And as I was walking I thought: I will carry this wound forever. It’s not a question of getting over it or healing. No; it’s a question of learning to live with this transformation. For the loss is transformative, in good ways and in bad, a tangle of change that cannot be threaded into the usual narrative spools. It’s too central for that. It’s not an emergence from the cocoon, but a tree growing around an obstruction

-Meghan O’Rourke, The Long Goodbye: A Memoir  

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